I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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