Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
