Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
