we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
