So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
