No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
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Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
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So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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