So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
