Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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