So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
