I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
