Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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