yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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