Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
