I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
