why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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