You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
