hotel room ftw
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
