so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
