i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
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