I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
