Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You ruined the universe
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
