My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
