James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
