I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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