I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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