addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
