oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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