it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Randomize
