he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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