What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
