The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
