I want you more than these girls want KFC
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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