i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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