Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
