I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
