Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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