just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
