i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
