It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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