Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
