she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
