I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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