if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm determined to sit on that face.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
