hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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