i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
