I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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