you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
