It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
