dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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