I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
