I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
