If i could tip my vagina, i would.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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