haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
