he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
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