god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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