if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
