okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
