I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
