Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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