Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
They took my balls.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
