So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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