i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
